Hold on to the memories- 2024 in review

What a year it's been, my year can be split into two eras you might say.

January through July was teaching high school English while being a university student and August through December was trying to take care of my body, dealing with burnout while still being a university student as well as starting a student position for LGBTQ+ and disabled students.

Honestly, most of the time I forget about January through June, I have to remind myself I broke my finger a week before we flew to America in January to meet my nephew! I am quite grateful for him of course and the ten-day break it afforded me from my job and the intensity that is Israel. I remember it when I look at my reading log and my pace picked up in July after quitting my teaching job somewhat last minute. My short-term memory has never been my strong suit with a mix of ADHD and trauma but it's quite mind-boggling to remember that I lived two lives this year. The first half of the year and the year and a half before while I was teaching my body took second place if not third or fourth place in my life. I paid quite dearly for that after dealing with the start of blood clots in my leg in April with an infection that saw me pass out and end up in the hospital courtesy of an ambulance. Shoutout to my ADHD brain for forgetting to lock my door the night before so the ambulance staff didn't have to break down my door. At first, I just took it in stride but; after having to go back after the first antibiotics didn’t work I really started to reevaluate what I was doing to my body.

Now I am far from doing perfectly with my body at the end of December, I still struggle mightily to get daily movement in and there are plenty of things I need to be doing better. What has changed and gotten rearranged is that my body goes from being the top focus to maybe the top 3 not as previously spaced below my top five. Does that mean I spend too many hours fighting insurance for doctors' appointments and in hospital hallways? 100%. But my body and mind are better for it.

One weekend in August will top my year for sure on a personal level. If you know me at all you know I love Taylor Swift. I bought her first two CDs when I went back to America for summer camp in middle school and I grew up with them. To this day 75% of the music I listen to is Taylor Swift. My sister spent a week in the accessible ticket line the year before and on an epic Saturday night in August in London at Wembley Stadium, I felt a level of joy and connection that has yet to be topped. Everything surrounding it was worth it and the memories and moments keep me going, I got a poster and I'm having that framed with friendship bracelets I got and I’m planning a commemorative tattoo of sorts. The come down from the concert was hard as I had been looking forward to it for a year and now there was a vacuum of a big joyful thing I had to look forward to.

I have focused in spurts on different ideas and different aspects of different business ideas and I have enjoyed investing in myself by working with business coaches. I am also working on starting less things just to fill time and just trying to be more mindful. I have worked a few times with a business coach and slow but semi-steady work is being put into my future life beyond university. I am wrapping up my last session with an ADHD coach after working with her for almost two years. It has been incredible to do so much work see how far I’ve come and see which tools and skills have become habits. My emotional regulation skills are night and day which has impacted my ability to show up for and with myself in the world.

This year has taken quite an emotional toll of course but it has been powerful to see how I can use these tools through that. I have started working with a different dietician as well to hopefully take care of my body even better. It feels empowering to notice which tools and people are helpful and needed for where you are in life and how that can change. I haven’t gotten over yet my body feeling like a burden to myself and others, it's not a constant feeling but it does show up, it's another societal norm to break down.

My wonderful friend SL recommended the book  Rest is Resistance-A Manifesto by Tricia Hersey and it has been the most impactful read of my year. This is saying a lot as I read 198 books this past year. Can you tell that reading is one of my coping mechanisms? I have also been posting my book reviews on a personal book review Instagram account and it has brought me so much joy and even a free book to review! The book Rest is Resistance helped me remove so much of the shame I felt requiring rest, feeling tired, listening to my body, and embracing rest. It started the process of reshaping how I look at goals and achievements and the intersectionality of it all. 

I learned a lot during both parts of this year, I had to process random goals my brain had tied into the number 2024 I had forgotten about and wasn’t even working towards. This year I have also embraced my most authentic self on a deeper level. While that has come with struggle and strife with some of the outside world, being more fully in tune with my authentic self has made happy moments more joyful hard moments harder and all of it more worth it. There have been fewer moments of trying to run and escape from my mind. With far more chances taken to connect both with myself and others. The two lives I led in a more external world this past year taught me different things about myself and helped me show up in different ways. I didn’t write out goals for this past year as the end of 2023 was too messy for that, but I am looking forward to bringing them back for 2025. I am incredibly proud of how I managed to survive, show up, and partially thrive in this past year.

I’m looking forward to seeing what this next year brings and how I evolve.

This blog space, Disabled Dreamer will evolve with me and my spaces as I keep evolving. How I show up, share, and connect with the world evolves with my internal journey. I will update you on the next evolution of course. To a year of safe and healthy growth and finding inner peace for everyone! 2025 let’s do the thing.